Sunday, June 14, 2009


In a young woman's world, say, aged between 18 - 30, the topics most talked about are fashion, movies/series like Desperate Housewives, Sex & the City), or the breathtaking dudes in Prison Break, going out proggie, what happened, who is dating who, who broke up, who is having a baby, who is getting married, et cetera..... then the best of it all is, MEN! These species NEVER miss in the picture. I mean, how can they? It would be inhumane. LOL!
The conversation is something like this (and I'm not making this up, honest):

NICOLE: I don't understand this stuff where a guy expects you to be all over him all the time!
SUZAN: Oh Nicole, you need to show a brotha some affection and attention, you know, give him some sweet L-O-V-I-N-G! {laughs}
TRACY: We all know you Sue, you never wasted your time on guys. I personally can't keep calling up a guy I like if he almost never calls or texts me on my cell.
NICOLE: Exactly! Me too. What's up with guys? I just don't get it.
LISA: {Shyly} I call my boyfriend most of the time. He calls too.

Silence as Nicole and Tracy look at Lisa in disbelief. Suzan is amused.

SUZAN: Well honey, keep doing that. At least he will be sure where your heart lies and he won't doubt your feelings for him.
LISA: Really?
TRACY: No, no, no. That will make him take you for granted. Take my ex-boyfriend Greg, for example, he used to call me up every hour of every day-imagine that- yes- alot of communication. Anyway, when we finally became an item, you know, dating, the calls and messages reduced as time went by. Whenever I rung him, it felt like I was nagging him or something.
LISA: So what happened?
SUZAN: Look girls, I'm the married one here. I know these things. You give a guy space and he'll find someone else so stick to him like glue. Make him feel adored.
NICOLE: Come on sue, look where that got you with Brian! You used to do all that and yet he dumped you for someone else leaving you heart broken but now, you're married to Mark- who by the way- you never gave time to see you when he was making moves!
LISA: {Surprised & confused} Sue, what's the truth here? How did you end up being married to Mark then?
NICOLE: Yeah. {Ironically} Tell us so we can get some tips.
SUZAN: {Laughs heartily} You girls never cease to amuse me. Of course it's different for everyone. I don't have the answers. {Sighs} Sometimes what you least expect happens but it's good. I played hard to get with Mark- not that it was my intention but I was still hurting from my break up with Brian. I didn't want to have excess baggage if I got involved with Mark. I guess Mark truly had genuine feelings for me because we had only been on a couple of dates when he first proposed. It was our first anniversary together.
NICOLE & LISA: {dreamily} Ooooooooh!
TRACY: Cut the love tales! The fact remains that most guys take us for granted.
SUZAN: {pretends to clear her throat}
TRACY: Uh- except Mark. {grins at Suzan and they all giggle}
SUZAN: Hey Lisa, don't get too worried when your boyfi doesn't call sometimes. There can be good reasons why and come on, we don't expect the men to do all the work now, do we? A man makes the first move, he takes you out on a date, he sends nice texts or calls to say hello, buys you gifts and blah blah blah. What are you doing on your side girls? Simply waiting? It takes two to make it work.
TRACY: Oh no. {Rolls her eyes}
SUZAN: Tracy, you know the reason you're responding like that. Derek cares alot about you and he's been calling endlessly trying to talk to you. Why can't you return his calls? Is it because he stood you up on your birthday? He told you why, he had to travel suddenly, work stuff.
LISA: What?
NICOLE: Exactly. What?
TRACY: {Looking guilty} It's not what you think...
SUZAN: Derek actually calls her now more than she does ever since she started pretending to be busy.

Nicole and Lisa stare at Tracy dumbfounded.

TRACY: Hey girls, I acted less available and he started looking for me and trying to get time out with me. See? It helps to play the hard card sometimes. I was too 'out there', now, it's his turn. He's doing all the calling, isn't it nice when both sides of the cheek feel the same pinch? {she smirks}

The girls all nod in agreement.

LISA: You are tricky.
TRACY: {She gets off the couch and says this as she bows} I try to be sistas, I try. I will call him soon though.

They all laugh.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Back in the day when I was just in senior one in a school that was known to be one of the the toughest and harsh shules....... I mean we dug moulds of sweet potatoes, slashed and raked the school compound, fetched water from the pump.... how easy do you think all these were? We were kids!!! So anyway, I was saying, a little girl I was, new to this world of 'labour' and it was only a matter of time before I found a way out-I joined the school editorial team, so as others slashed, dug and so on, we who loved to read and write did just that. We came up with articles to feature on the school mirror as it used to be called.

That is besides the point I'm writing this. Back to the issue. I was a little girl and you know how most kids hate anything to do with boy-girl or even insinuating that a boy was with a girl under a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Hooooooooo! Tears would go streaming down the victims' faces (the two being teased) and they would hate each other for a long time until they grew up and realised, it's normal.

Now my story.... taking long to get to the point, eh? Then why are you still reading? LOL. Ok. So in my senior one, it was my first time in boarding school, I hardly spoke Luganda besides English and Swahili (having lived a while in TZ) plus of course my mother tongue which you know. You don't? Check my surname.
The first day I went to class, this group of boys stared at me as they whispered to each other, then one of them walked towards me and said hello. I quickly responded and got my novel which I suddenly wished I could disappear into. I pretended to read with deep concentration. He went on to tell me his name and I was thinking "GO AWAY" but I looked up and said, "I'm Cleopatra." He smiled and walked back to his friends who cheered and from then on, this boy would call me his mugole (bride). This is what he would say in Kinyarwanda but forgive me if I spell something wrong, am not conversant with this beautiful language, "Biite umugore wangye?" (How are you my bride?) Oh how I hated his guts! But now, we are friends and we laugh about those naive innocent days. Besides, he was cute. No, we never dated.

Recently this is a conversation I overheard as I sat at a coffee place typing away on my laptop. Hot guy is making a move on hot chick as his friend looks on and says a few words to emphasise a point on behalf of his gango (buddy). This is what sparked my senior one experience, note that the words in brackets are my thoughts and reactions except those in { } Here is what I heard:

Hot gal: I know guys like you. (she says to hot guy's friend) You never tell the truth. You stick up for your friends.

Hot guy: So do you like what you see?... Me? (what a stuck up @#$%^&, I think to myself as I type on)

Hot gal: Of course! (Whaaaaat? I'm thinking has she gone coocoos?) Yo a charmer! It's hard for me to believe you though. ( Now my ears are really alert coz this is just absurd)

Hot guy: OK.... I have lost words!

Hot gal: Sweet face, sweet smile, sweet words, gosh! It's too much. (Banange! woman, control yourself!)

Hot guy: Sweet YOU! I think I really like you but I don't know what we gonna do. (Huh?)

Hot gal: Uhhhhh..... Ummmmmmm {she's speechless}

Hot guy: Well? {insisting} You know you like me... don't you? (Meanwhile, his friend is keeping himself busy on an iPod pretending not to be listening so that the gal is not uneasy. The hot dude licks his lips slowly as he leers at her)

Hot gal: You pass off as nasty at times! (Oh, you've met before? Ma bad.) Then you make me think and wonder....

Hot guy: So are we gonna make love or what? (EH! EH! EH! This brotha is a smooth fast criminal)

Hot gal: NO!

Hot guy: Kiss?

Hot gal: Is that what you want? (EH!) What exactly do you want from me?

Hot guy: YOU... but then I can't help to imagine making love with you... It's better with no one but you because we have a connection... we don't see it but we feel it. you mean so much to me... You'd rather sleep with one like me coz at least am myself... BUT I REALLY LIKE YOU!

Hot gal: Wow!

Hot guy: Yeah... Wow!

By this time, I had shut down my laptop and had to get up and leave so I missed finding out how this Romeo & Juliette ended their chat. Eh! We need prayers if men are making moves like this.... and women are responding like this.... Whatever happend to taking things slow? NBM anyone?
What happened after I left? Your guess is as good as mine. At least she didn't hate his guts.
The conversations we overhear usually aren't for our ears. :-)

Welcome to my album launch!

Ok! So I love the arts and I enjoy going to watch artistes perform at their launches- which have become numerous by the way- even guys with two songs are launching.... SERIOUSLY???
This is what gets to me; the long lists of 'curtain-raisers' who have to go on stage to do their thing before the 'famous' singer appears. I mean, in some instances, it's ok to have a big name sing before you, the artiste launching. Let me make this clearer with an example, and I insist, this is just an example, ok? Don't hold me to it. Ahem!
If Bobi Wine has an album launch, it would be kawa (ok) if he has other artistes like Bebe Cool, Juliana or Peter Miles & Menshan step on the stage and hype the crowd with their great energy and captivating songs, (here comes...) But if it's like say, S... B.... C..... (ok, let me not mention names here) an artiste that's not yet popular on the entertainment scene in Uganda alone, meaning the rest of East Africa also has no idea who this artiste is, then why in your right mind would you go ahead and announce an album launch? First make your name or mark in the industry because like now, you have to do the following:
One: You need big-name singers to be on your poster so that you draw attention to your show. Two: You charge like Ugshs. 20,000 yet you're not even sure if people will turn up. (Will they really be willing to pay this dime?)
Three: Finally when it's the D-day of the launch, all the hot names such as Mowzey Radio & Weasel, Blu 3, Bebe Cool, Navio, Cindy, HB Toxic, GNL Zamba and more perform.

MC says, "Lovely guests, it is now time for the one and only ..........(names withheld)."

When this dear singer gets on stage, and note that it is now 1 am in the wee hours, most of the revellers are leaving or left immediately GNL went off the stage and this singer performs to a crowd of about... guess? That's right, thirty people- am exaggerating? Ok. Fifty people. They are less than thirty and fifty? Fine. My point is, the venue will almost be empty! If you know your curtain-raisers are far more important or have bigger musical careers than you, then do this;
Perform first, and the rest follow..... this way, everyone will have watched you perform and will even get to know you are worthy of their appreciation-that's if you put up a good show and can actually hold a tune. (Story for another day) LOL!

One more trick to do is: If you really want to know your fan base, HAVE NO CURTAIN-RAISERS on your poster! I must say big up to Navio for this one. Those of you who saw his posters, can you tell me if you knew who was going to 'curtain-raise'? Exactly. The poster was all about Navio and his Half the Legend concert going to take place at Kati Kati grounds. The artistes who featured in his show actually have songs with him and the sole purpose they came on stage was to perform these hits like Bugumu Rmx, Burrn, All I wanna know, Salooni, etc with the hip hop brotha. Those of you who attended know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, my lovely meal is calling and my stomach is grumbling, BUT remember, make it ALL ABOUT YOU. No, I am not running a promotion for Uganda Telecom but hey, your concert or launch should be ALL ABOUT YOU, and the rest follow or else, you will stay in the shadows...

Hey, do you know the track In the Shadows by a rock band called THE RASMUS? That's the song in my head right now...